The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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