Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
