I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
