I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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