You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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