I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
