I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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