i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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