did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
