READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
