So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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