i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
