Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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