Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
