sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
