he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
