I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
