he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
