Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
