Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
