I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
