i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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