Who did Billy Mays play for?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
