okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
