I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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