kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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