someone threw a dead crab at me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
