At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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