Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
