carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
