My sheets look like a crime scene.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
