it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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