my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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