Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
