I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
