I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
