it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im about as happy as oj after his trial
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why do cheetos always look like penises
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
