he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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