im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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