So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
