my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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