Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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