I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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