you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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