If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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