my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your cock deserves a montage
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
