when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
