Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
