Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
