Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
