I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
