How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
