i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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