Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
