I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
