Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As shirtless as possible
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
