Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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